


Hehppie Birfdey!

by DeePet



Series: Ivy's Poisonous [4]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Birthday Sex, Deadpool being Deadpool, F/M, It's Ivy's Birthday, Smut, Smutty, Some cameos from some big characters, intercourse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:25:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12464298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeePet/pseuds/DeePet
Summary: Ivy hates her birthday. No exceptions. Except a black and red one.





	Hehppie Birfdey!

**Author's Note:**

> It's your favorite couple! Or maybe one of them.

Sipping a mocha something with curls piled atop her head in a sloppy bun was Agent Ivy Black. She was still on desk duty, a very unfortunate side effect of her eventful summer, and was typing a report for a mission she didn’t go on. 

The pretty woman was bored, as she usually was, because her life was so uneventful these days. She went to work and came home, under special surveillance by the company she worked for, another side effect of her eventful summer, and did nothing else. This was slowly killing her, very slowly, she was melting into nothing.

If things weren’t already bad enough, it was her birthday. Yes, the copperette was turning thirty something, and couldn’t even throw a party. Woe was her. 

As she took another obnoxious sip from her iced coffee, her eyes glancing around the room. She licked her lips, a hopeful thought running through her mind; maybe they’d let her go home early today. 

A knock sounded on the top of her cubicle and she looked up, smiling at a grinning Sam Wilson. “I heard it was someone's special day!” He declared, taking a cupcake from behind his back. 

Ivy beamed up at him, “Sammy, you shouldn't have.” She chimed as she took the cupcake from him.

Sam held up a silencing finger and cleared his throat, “Happy birthday to ya! Happy birthday to ya! Happy birthday! Happy birthday to ya! Ha...ppy...birth...day!”

“Okay Stevie Wonder, that’s enough.” Ivy snickered, though her smile was huge. 

“I can't sing to my bfoc for her birthday?” Sam questioned, making Ivy cackle. “So what's the plan for tonight? We goin’ out? We hittin’ the clubs?”

“Absolutely not,” Ivy shook her head, “You may not know this Mr. Avenger man but white shirts like me have to work tomorrow.” 

“That's never stopped you before!” Sam exclaimed with a smirk, leaning in closer, “Remember Shenanigans last month?”

“No…” The copperette answered, with a laugh, “Which is exactly why I’m not doing anything tonight.” 

“Oh come on…” He whined, draping himself over her cubicle wall, “We need an excuse to celebrate!”

“No thank you, Samuel.” Ivy shook her head, “Absolutely not, why don't you just take your neighbor out? What was her name… Taffy?”

“Candy and it's not her birthday.” Sam stared pointedly. 

“I am getting drunk in my own home like an adult.” Ivy said, printing out the finished report. “That's what a thirty-something does.”

“Thirty-something?” Sam furrowed his brows, before continuing facetiously, “I thought you were turning 21!”

“I’m aging like fine wine, baby.” The copperette winked, playing along, “Now take this to Stark. He still has that order of protection against me.” 

Sam laughed loudly and took the forms, “Happy birthday again, Ivy.”

“Thanks bird brain.” The thirty-something smiled, waving goodbye to her friend. Ivy huffed, taking another sip of her coffee and spinning in her chair. She wanted out, maybe she could sneak away…

“Black!” A sharp voice snapped before Natasha appeared in front of her cubicle. 

Ivy looked up with wide eyes, “Am I in trouble?”

Natasha’s face stayed hard but her lips spread in a smirk after a moment, “Happy birthday.” She nodded before walking away.

The copperette swallowed thickly and let out a relieved sigh, slumping down in her chair. She began to gather her things in her bag before another knock on her wall stopped her. She twitched but looked up to see her commanding officer.

“Happy birthday, Ivy.” Steve Rogers smiled boyishly at her in his civilian clothes. She honestly would have preferred if he was in his uniform…

“Thanks, Captain Rogers.” Ivy grinned in appreciation of his kind words, her smile almost faltering when his eyes flicked down to her packed bag. 

“Cutting out early?” The hero asked with a knowing look, smile still on his lips.

“Eh…” The copperette muttered, being caught by her boss’s boss.

“I’ll look the other way today,” Captain Rogers told the birthday girl, “It only comes once a year, after all.”

Ivy visibly relaxed and she beamed, “Thanks.” The Captain saluted her with two fingers and walked off, presumably to save a kitten from a tree. The super soldier’s blessing was all she needed to log out of her computer and make a run for it, smiling at the birthday wishes that came her way. She got in the elevator and said her floor, leaning against the wall as the elevator shot up. 

When the lift opened to her floor, Friday chimed, “Happy Birthday, Ms. Black.”

“Thank you!” Ivy smiled as she left the elevator, kicking off her shoes as soon as she was in her home. She shut the door behind herself and dropped her bag, placing Sam’s cupcake on her counter.

The birthday girl went straight to her bathroom and took off her work clothes, replacing them with a large tee shirt that could qualify as a dress and some slippers. She let her curls down and ran her hands through them. Her next destination was the kitchen where she grabbed a bottle of coconut rum, tequila and vodka. She carried her goodies to her living room table and went back in the kitchen to retrieve a shot glass for herself. She sat down on her sofa and turned the television on, going straight for Netflix and putting on her favorite birthday movie; Sixteen Candles. 

As the intro played and Molly Ringwald's youthful face appeared on the screen, Ivy took her first shot of the night; tequila.

By the time Molly finally got her birthday cake, she was on her sixth shot and had decided to discard her glass and use the bottle. “Happy Birthday.” She whispered to the screen, tugging her legs closer to her body. “Another birthday without your parents, another year without love. Good job, Ivory.” She took a swig of vodka and leaned back into the couch. 

The birthday girl perused through the extensive collection of movies before seeing a familiar title. Without thinking, she clicked on it, the opening to credits to ‘Just Friends’ playing. 

Ivy laughed lightly at a joke, enjoying the film with a masked figure on her mind. She missed Wade, that was true. It would always be true. He was unforgettable, a true world wonder. 

Ivy wiped a tear as she thought about the last night she saw him. It was six months ago when he ran off into the night without as much as a whisper. She woke up in a cold bed, alone as ever. She still wasn't over it; she doesn't think she'll ever be over it. She admittedly had fallen under since then, using men to fill the empty feeling she had since he left, risking the life of randoms to selfishly fulfill her need for intimacy.

The thirty-something wiped her eyes and sniffled, cutting her television off and curling in a ball. Every birthday ended in tears. It was a tragic tradition started when she was a child and continued with every year. Ivy closed her eyes tightly and took a shaky breath, ready to sleep the rest of the day away. 

Long after the sun had set and light began to illuminate the city, Ivy was resting peacefully on her couch, loud snores and all. Her belly was poking out beautifully from the amount of liquor she consumed and she was dreaming of men. Twitching, she rolled over to her side, only to then flop on the ground. “Son of a bitch.” She hissed as she was instantly awoken by the pain in her face. 

Whimpering, Ivy ran to her bathroom to examine the damage; nothing was wrong with her face, just her pride. Rolling her eyes, she padded out of her bathroom just in time to hear a door close. A headache began to pound in her head and she groaned quietly as she grabbed the bat by her bedroom door; the gun was in her nightstand and she didn’t feel like turning back. Ivy twirled the bat around and took her place against the wall, nausea running through her. Waiting for a time to strike, she heard footsteps heading towards the bedroom and she swung with all her might, hitting a body that then hit the ground.

“Son of a fucking-!” A familiar voice groaned and Ivy dropped the bat in surprise. She stepped out from the shadows and her jaw dropped as she laid eyes on Wade. The beauty was blank for a moment as he rolled around in pain, muttered curses flying from his mouth. 

Snapping out of her haze, Ivy reached down and grabbed the bat again. She raised it over her head and hit him again, and again, and again. “You piece of shit!” She yelled, hurt lining her words. “You fucking left me!” The birthday girl continued in her assault, “You raw piece of bodega meat! You immature pea brained piece of dog shit. You-!” As she brought down another blow, the bat was caught and thrown away. 

“Hehppie birfdey!” A concussed Deadpool declared, having a hard time standing. He eventually did and took of pack from his back, unzipping it to reveal nearly dead daisies. He held them out to her with a shaking hand and Ivy just stared. 

“You tool.” The copperette scoffed, crossing her arms. “You think you can just waltz in here with your flowers and your ‘birfdey’ wishes that I’ll just melt? You think because you remembered that daisies were my favorite flower, I’ll just drop to my knees and beg for your cock in my mouth?”

“Uh,” Wade uttered before presenting the flowers again, “Hehppie birfdey?”

Ivy scoffed once more and pushed past him, going back into her living room to take a shot. She threw one back and ran a hand through her hair. “Literally every time I see you, it’s an inconvenience. You can’t just-!” Ivy was interrupted by Wade hugging her from behind. 

“I’m sorry.” The mercenary muttered in her neck. “Happy birthday.”

“God stop saying that.” Ivy huffed though she did not pull away. She sniffed and stared forward, a pout on her lips as she mumbled, “How did you even know?”

“I’m keeping tabs on you. This whole place is bugged.” 

Ivy shook her head, “No it’s not.” 

“No it’s not.” Wade agreed, still squeezing her. “I just remembered. You told me once and I marked my calendar.”

“God you’re a weirdo.” The beauty scoffed but she smiled soon after, reaching her hand up and scratching his chin like a dog. “I would ask you how you’ve been but that just reminds me that you’re going to leave again.” 

“I’m sorry.” Wade immediately chimed, before getting up and rushing to his backpack. “I got ya something else, Veevs.” He ran back to the couch and sat on the floor with her once more, reaching in his bag and pulling out a teddy bear and a box wrapped in newspaper. “His name is George.” He muttered handing her the bear. “He likes the color blue and romantic comedies.”

“Nice to meet you, Georgie.” Ivy smiled at the bear and sat it in her lap. 

“He likes you.” Wade assured her before giving her the box. “This is from Weasel.”

“That gopher got me a gift?” The copperette snickered and ripped the paper, cooing once she opened the box. It contained a silver beer glass with the word ‘Bitch’ carved into it. “That shithead.” She grinned widely, putting it on the table. “Tell him I hated it.” 

“Will do, gorgeous.” The mercenary’s grin was was obstructed by his mask.

Ivy glanced at Wade next to her and despite her attitude, smiled softly. She had truly missed the dickhead, but something was missing. “Take off your mask, Wade.” She muttered the request. At the sight of his reluctance, she smiled, “Please? It’s my birthday.”

“I don’t know why you’d want to see this shit for your birthday…” Wade grumbled but still obeyed, pulling his mask off and lowering his gaze.

“And there you are.” Ivy grinned widely, nudging him with her shoulder. “Wade Wilson and his big brown eyes.” She cheered jokingly, placing bother her hands on his cheeks and making him look at her. “What a real gift.” At the sound of the words the mercenary flinched.

“Heh, ah, I thought we could go out tonight!” Wade exclaimed, nearly pushing Ivy over as he stood up. “My treat! We could get some drinks. Do some dancing! Cut a-!”

Ivy’s groan interrupted her friend as she stood too, “I don’t feel like it, Wilson.” She breathed, stretching her arms above her head, “I’m too old to party. I’m just trying to pass out in my own vomit and eat cereal.” 

“You’re not too old; you’re grown and sexy!” Wade chimed with a smack to her ass, “We should-!”

“Wade I just want to-!”

“S dnem rozhdeniya!” A new voice entered the conversation as a magical brunette entered the apartment with a cake in her hands and a gift hanging from her arm. At the sight of Wade, Wanda frowned. “Oh it’s you.”

“Privet.” Wade waved as Ivy grinned at her friend. 

Taking the cake, she kissed her on her cheeks, “Thank you beautiful.” 

“You are welcome, plant.” Wanda smiled, but her eyes motioned to Wade. 

“It was a surprise.” Ivy rolled her own eyes and placed the cake on the island. “I hope it’s marbled.”

“Of course it’s marbled; what am I a barbarian?” The brunette winked before sizing Wade up. “So, you came back after leaving her in the middle of the night like a bandit? Where do you get off? I should gut you like a-!”

“Wanda!” Ivy snapped from the kitchen as she cut slices of cake for her guests. 

Wade, who by now had retrieved his mask and was putting it back on, shrugged. “Eto yeye den' rozhdeniya, I ya lyublyu yeye, poetomu ya zdes'.” 

Wanda’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped just as Ivy handed her a piece of cake. “Please don’t speak in russiky around me, it’s my birthday.” The telepath looked to Wade with questioning eyes and the mercenary held a finger to his masked lips as Ivy left to retrieve a piece of cake for herself. 

“Lyublyu?” Wanda muttered in disbelief, before a smirk grew on her face. “Ivy!” Her voice suddenly ran and Wade’s head whipped toward her. 

“Yes, scar?” The birthday girl questioned coming out from the kitchen with her own plate. 

“I’m going to take this to go.” Before Ivy could protest, Wanda embraced her and handed her the other gift. “I’ll give Piet your best.” 

“Ugh,” Ivy scoffed at the mention of her ex, “Give him my worst.” Wanda laughed and left the apartment, vanishing in a cloud of scarlet. 

Ivy stared at the place her friend used to be before turning around and hitting Wade on the arm. “What did you say to her, dickhead?” 

“Nothing! I just asked about her day!” Wade insisted, snatching her cake piece from her. “Don’t be so paranoid.” 

“With you around I can’t help but be paranoid.” Ivy sighed with a roll of her eyes. 

Wade hopped over the sofa and sat on his old bed, yanking off his mask to eat her piece of cake. Ivy watched his quiet joy for a moment before she sighed and plopped down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. A gloved hand appeared in her vision with a piece of cake and she welcomed the pastry into her mouth, humming in appreciation. 

“I missed cuddle Tuesdays.” Wade chimed, feeding her another piece of cake. 

“You just made that up.” 

“I sure did,” The mercenary replied, bopping her on the nose, “You’re so smart, Veeva.” 

“Don’t bop me.” Ivy snapped playfully, bopping him back. 

“Don’t bop me!” Wade retorted, bopping her again. The couple continued the bop war until cake was smeared onto Ivy’s face. 

“Not the kind of facial I usually give but-!”

“Shut up.” Ivy snorted, getting up from the couch and walking to her kitchen. She grabbed a paper towel and wiped the icing from her face. As she was blinding by the rag, she felt a sharp smack to her ass. “Wade!” She yelped sharply, looking behind herself to see white icing smeared on her skin. 

“I’ll help you clean up.” The merc offered with a suggestive grin. 

“Yes you will.” Ivy retorted grabbing her own handful and throwing it, hitting Wade right in his chest. 

The scarred man looked down at the cake with a gaping mouth, then raised his eyebrows at her. Grabbing the cake tray, he slowly began to advance on her. 

The beauty back away with wide eyes, “You better not!”

“You dun dunnit it now!” He exclaimed in a pseudo southern accent. 

“You better NOT!” Ivy squealed, her heart pounding when her back hit the wall. 

The mercenary let out an evilly loud cackle and raised the tray with the intention of dumping it over her head. Just as he was tipping it over, Ivy smirked, coloring her voice, “ _ Smear it all over yourself _ .”

Wade’s body twitched and he obeyed dropping the cake over his head and rubbing it into his body. He dropped to the floor and rolled around in the wasted droppings, wiggling about like a pig.

Ivy cackled so hard her stomach began to hurt. She slapped a hand on her forehead and snorted loudly, hardly able to catch her breath. As she was using the wall to support herself, she was dragged down into the mess. “Wade!” She snickered, as he began to lick the leftover icing from her cheek sloppily. “Down boy!”

Wade teasingly barked and rolled them both over, pinning her down. Ivy couldn’t stop laughing and tears were pooling in her eyes. She finally began to calm down when she noticed that Wade had stopped laughing along with her and was now staring down at her. Her smile shrunk to a smaller one and she tilted her head in a silent question. 

He was looking at her as if she was the air he breathed and he was suffocating. 

“Wade what are you-!” Her words were cut off by scarred lips pressing against her own. She returned the kiss immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck. Wade tasted just like she remembered with a hint of vanilla and she moaned at the feeling of him against her. He pulled away from her and she blinked. 

“I’ll help you clean up, Vee.” The mercenary muttered as he began to lift her tee up. He brought his hands up to his mouth and tugged off his gloves with his teeth, before reaching between her legs and feeling her wetness. She jolted and he pinned her down with the other hand before trailing it to one of her tits. 

“Happy birthday,” He began to sing lowly with a grin, “To you.” He slipped three fingers inside of her and crooked them up, snickering as she yelped. “Happy birthday,” He continued, leaning down and nuzzling his nose against hers, “To you.” He breathed over her lips.

“Wade.” Ivy breathed desperately, her eyes wide and begging. The mercenary responded by removing his fingers and bringing them to both of their lips. He rubbed her essence on her bottom lip and then took it in his mouth, dragging his teeth over it roughly. 

“Fuck, I missed that.” The scarred man rasped before pecking her lips again. He then completely removed her shirt, taking a raised nipple in his mouth and sucking. Ivy whimpered and he smiled against her skin, “I missed that too.” 

“Wade.” The copperette breathed again, sitting up to press her lips against his. A hand was buried in her hair and her head was yanked back roughly. She moaned at the sensation and bit her lip, waiting for him. 

“What do you want for your birthday, gorgeous?” The merc asked, his fingers massaging her scalp. Ivy’s eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into his ministrations, forgetting to answer. 

A sharp pull brought her back and she whined, pouting up at Wade. “You.” She puckered her lips, watching as he seemed to have been caught off guard. The grip on her hair loosened and she furrowed her brows. Before she could question it, she was being laid down and he was tearing at his costume. 

Wade placed a hand on her cheek and he leaned down, pressing his lips against her forehead. “I’m gonna fuck the shit outta you.” He cooed into her skin, pecking her nose and slipping his cock into her. 

“God.” Ivy choked out, her legs wrapping around his waist. He was still a stretch for her to take and it was deliciously painful. No matter how many men she had tried to use to quench her thirst, none of them could compare to when Wade was balls deep within her. She was truly spoiled by his cock.

“You still curve to my dick, Vee.” Wade laughed above her, “Did your pussy miss me?”

“ _ I  _ missed you, Wade.” Ivy sputtered, digging her nails into his skin. “So, so much.” 

He didn’t answer to that, instead burying his face in her neck and biting. The copperette mewled and pressed her lips against his rough skin. She was in heaven, she felt every little sensation, every vein, every stroke of his tongue, and she was on fire. 

Ivy swallowed down a meaningful admission and clenched her eyes shut instead, trying to take a snapshot of this moment in her mind. It wasn’t in the least bit romantic to be fucking a ham of a man on her cake splattered kitchen floor on her birthday, but goddamn if she didn’t feel like the most special girl in the entire world. 

With the thought of that in her mind, she opened her eyes to see melting browns gazing into her spirit and she smiled so widely that it was almost goofy. Tears were building in her eyes and she didn’t know if it was from the truly exquisite penis inside of her or the liquor in her system; either way she was feeling some kind of way. 

Ivy reached up and cupped Wade’s cheek, brushing her thumb against his rough skin. Her eyes searched his face for a moment before she smiled again, though this time softly. “You’re so beautiful, Wade.” 

The compliment made the man between her legs halt and she watched his brow furrow. He stared blankly at her for a moment then scoffed, removing his cock from her and roughly turning her on her stomach. He tutted her ass up and entered her again roughly. “Shut up.” He snapped, though his voice wavered like he was going to burst into tears. 

Ivy opened her mouth to protest but could not get the words out between his rough thrusts. Her hips were pulled back just as Wade snapped his hips forward and she could barely make coherent thoughts, let alone words. She tried to raise herself up on her hands but was pushed back down into the soiled floor as Wade molded into her back. 

“Happy birthday to you,” The last word was accentuated with a hard thrust, “Happy birthday to you,” Ivy let out a squeak, “Happy birth,” Thrust, “Day. Dear,” He buried himself in her so deep she could taste the tip, “Vee-va. Happy birthday, to,” Ivy’s eyes rolled back into her head and she shuddered, “You.” 

“W….w….w….w…” She tried but her tongue wouldn’t let her get the name out. “Wah….wahhhhh…” 

“Wah, wah, wah,” The mercenary mocked, slapping her ass so hard it stung, “What?”

Ivy blew out breath through her teeth and grunted, gasping for air as her lover put his forearm against her neck and lifted her slightly. She grabbed his arm and hissed, nearly crying at the feeling. “Wayyyyyy duh.” She finally managed to get out and he dropped her back on the tile. “IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.” Ivy murmured into the cake, barely audible. The knot in her stomach tightened and she held her breath, feeling everything begin to tense. “Don’t.” The copperette managed, squeezing a tear from her eye, “DON’T!” She shouted so loud that her body shook. Ivy’s eyes shot open and white flooded her vision, her iris disappearing. 

It felt like she had been shot in the most delicious way. She felt like her soul had left her body and was floating up to heaven. She felt like she had grown a whole two hundred and forty five pounds and a penis. She felt like everyone in the universe was so unlucky because they weren’t here, on her kitchen floor, covered in cake and getting fucked. For a moment, she was complete. 

When Ivy came to, Wade had passed out on top of her and his cum was dripping down her legs. The birthday girl breathed heavily as she pushed him off, renewed strength from the life she had gotten from him. Ivy ran a hand through her caked up hair and laughed breathily, sitting against her cabinets. She let her gaze fall on Wade and she lost track of how long she watched him. It must have been a particularly good orgasm because he was still knocked out cold ten minutes later. 

At the ten minute mark, the mercenary awoke with a deep inhale, shooting up like a bullet. “Goddamn!” He exclaimed, his grin wide, “How long was I out?”

“Ten minutes.” Ivy informed him from her place next to him. 

“That’s a record!” 

“Technically, the record is seventeen years.” 

“That’s my record!” 

Ivy laughed flicked Wayne’s ear, standing up and grimacing at the mess. “Let’s go shower, loser.” 

“I can clean you up.” Wade repeated his words from earlier jumping up from the ground to smack her bare ass. 

“You already said that, dweeb.” 

“You’re the dweeb, dweeb.” 

“Well you’re a doofus.”

“Well you’re gorgeous with no imperfections in any way!”

Ivy stopped and turned around, crossing her arms and raising a brow, all the while suppressing a grin. “The point is to insult the other person, Wilbur.” 

“Fuck I love it when you call me by that pig’s name.” Wade growled, grabbing her and biting into her neck. 

“You’re such a doofus!” Ivy squealed as he drug his tongue against her neck. He lifted her up like a bride and carried her into the bathroom, turning on the shower and getting to work on cleaning his mess. 

An hour later, they were both cleaned and fresh smelling. They had moved their party to the tub and were just enjoying each other’s company. Ivy was in Wade’s lap and he was happily behind her, a prime place to get whiffs of her hair. 

“This is the best birthday I’ve had in awhile.” Ivy admitted, playing with the bubbles in the bath. “Probably ever.” She felt him tug a curl behind her and she smiled at nothing and everything, “So thank you, Wade.”

“You’re welcome.” Wade answered quickly, twirling the strand around his finger. “Do you think plants know that we’re eating them?”

Ivy breathed out laugh and shrugged her shoulders, tucking her chin into her wet knees. “You don’t eat vegetables, Wade.” 

“But if I did…”

As Wade went on a diatribe about the importance of plant feelings, Ivy’s mind drifted to something else and she began to notice little things. Like how Wade’s voice increased in pitch when he was excited. Or how his skin was so rough, yet so comforting to lay on. Or how he liked to twist her hair when she wasn’t looking. Or how they could never really argue because he’d make her laugh. Or how he was one of the two men she loved that remembered her fucking birthday. Wait.

“I think I love you.” Ivy blurted her eyes trained one of the millions of little bubbles in the tub. She heard silence behind her and she sighed, opening her mouth to take it back, when her head was tugged backwards and a kiss placed on her forehead. 

“Same.” Was her only answer as was made to face front again. “Now hold still, I’m almost done.” 

A fishtail braid later, they were dry and laying on the bed. Ivy’s head was on Wade’s chest and he was drawing obscene pictures on her back. Sitting up abruptly, the copperette turned to her lover and declared, “I know you’re going to be gone in the morning and that’s fine but I hope you’ll have the common decency to cuddle with me until I fall asleep.”

“Of course I will,” Wade started, forcing her head down again. “It’s your birfdey.”

Ivy chortled loudly at that and pinched his nipple. “Hehppie birfdey!” 

“It’s not my birthday!” 

“Shut up, doofus.” 


End file.
